Good morning.

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Good morning. This is going to be the first text message I am going to send you after such a long time. Because of this bible verse. 

I said No to God for three times, and finally I said yes to God. I don’t know how to do this, but I’m sure God knows how.

Image result for Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

I was selfish. I have been thinking about myself, my problems and my feelings. I have forgotten about this brother of mines and the hard times that he is going through.

So, my brother, tomorrow onwards I am going to annoy you with texts everyday. Just like few months ago, you annoyed me with your everyday texts. I know it is going to be frustrating and exhausting when I am the only one who does the talk. But it is okay. I am going to be in the arena too, fighting the battle with you.

I don’t know how it feels like to be in deep problems, but I will learn today. I will learn to understand you day by day. I wish that you wouldn’t be in so much pain and that I could just take it all away. But I don’t know how to do that. What I will do is to be here for you for as long as it takes. You can count on me, bro!

Love,

Your sis.

When “I” is replaced by “we”, illness will become wellness.

Being ignored.

While Z and I was walking down the hallway, you only smiled and talked to Z even though I said “Hi”. Probably because Z is rather an important person or someone whom you are closer to or maybe prettier. Or worst, you probably didn’t see me. But that’s okay.

Being ignored is quite a common incident everywhere. Think of a time when you are being ignored. Being left out and pushed away, day after day, I’m sure many of you have suffered this before. Being ignored is indeed a bullying tactic. It can be extremely painful and it is rather difficult to get over the bad feelings.

In every defining moment, I’d still believe in hope. Hoping that things will get better eventually. When you first get a job, when you first moved in to a new place – nothing works out planned. It is a harsh reality but it will get better. So here are my suggestions to be HAPPIER! Of course you need to be happy. After alls, it is your life. Not theirs.

  1. Accept the fact that they are ignoring you. Face the fact and move on.
  2. Talk to people. You definitely have some friends to cheer you up. So go. Talk to your friends.
  3. Take a break yo! Go and have fun. All day work makes Jack a dull boy. It is time to party.
  4. Stop thinking about negative thoughts. Because your brain tend to make up stories sometimes. It makes you feel even more frustrated. Ignore negative thoughts.

After alls, there are things we will not understand. Some things we will be unable to change. One thing we can change, protect and empower is ourselves. Keep protected. The truth will rise to the top and keep shining.

Ignore me, that’s cool too!

Her.

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Texting her in the mornings.

Asking her questions.

Being thankful and impressed by all she did.

Looking forward to see her.

That’s what you used to do.

You used to think that God send her to you.

But somewhere, somehow, you begin to expect things of her.

You did things because you felt you had to, not because you wanted to.

And suddenly you stopped meeting her halfway.

You told her when and where to come.

Then cancel hours before.

Her love and presence becomes inconvenient.

You stopped answering when you wanted.

And she stumbled through confusion wondering what would be her mistakes.

She talked to you but you never listened.

Words were filling time and space but nothing was being said.

You liked her for the way she made you feel.

She made it easy for you.

The less you tried, the more effort she put in. Just to make you stay.

She build you up but all you did was to knock her down.

You stopped being what she needed and she stopped being what you wanted.

You stopped trying.

And suddenly you become strangers, afraid to make any move.

The truth was you ran out of things to say.

But she still loved you.

She’d still chose you.

The only thing harder than falling out of love is being in love and watching someone fall out of love with her. Knowing that she can’t do anything about it.

It broke her when she realized she has to choose herself now.

Because in a crowded room where she felt alone, invisible and empty, giving all her pieces to make you whole, she caught the eye of a stranger.

He asked if she was seeing anyone. And the truth was yes. But she shook her head because she knew she couldn’t hold onto something that isn’t there anymore.

And that goodbye got replaced with a new hello.

Reconcile

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The feeling of not being able to forgive

Will eventually eat you up

So choose to forgive

Forgetting isn’t easy

Thus, reconciliation isn’t always necessary

The world is so beautifully crafted

Yet the people who lives in this beautiful world

Are wearing masks of different characters

Speculating on different of rumours

What’s true and untrue cannot be differentiated

It’s so hard to remain calm

And you can’t reconcile

So keep quiet and walk away

It is time to do something right

For yourself

And let your light shine through. 🙂

A gift.

I remember I was sitting in a large room for a meeting, putting up my hand, giving ideas even though it was scary for me, and then being ignored by the boss. My boss was listening to everybody’s ideas but not mines. I tried very hard to express myself, tie a ribbon to the gift to make it look appealing, but I was drowned out. The gift was snatched and it fell on the cold ground.

Then, another person will pick up the gift when there is nothing left and use my gift to impress another. I guess life is like that. Being so unfair. Acceptance of a gift is based on the looks of the giver, the color of the giver’s hair and etc. It makes my heart hurts just to think about it. Because I’m a human. Just like you, I yearn to be acknowledged and appreciated.

You, me, have gone through good and bad times. Sometimes, you think that you did your very best but you didn’t do enough or weren’t appreciated by others. Period. They said, nobody should ever question your worth. I guess it is true. You have to love yourself more, sometimes. You owe yourself the love that you are giving freely to others. You did your best and you deserve a huge pat on your back. Don’t just bash yourself for not being good enough. To be honest, how good is good?

In this world, there are scientists who died without their theory accepted, researchers died without their work being acknowledged. But I just want you to know that you are good enough. Your mind was just beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

But I’m here to tell you that you don’t need people who don’t appreciate you.

You know you have great ideas. You know you have wonderful thoughts. You have worked your ass off to complete a project. And you don’t need others to applaud. It’s hard, isn’t it? As much as we try to dismiss it, our worth is often based on the opinions of others. But it can’t go on like this. Life is gonna be miserable.

Instead, just be happy with your every gift. Tie a shinny ribbon around it with perfect wrapping. Place it under the tree. Then walk away. Leave with a smile, because you gave and the creation of the gift makes you happy. Maybe one day, your gift will make others happy. That’s all that matters.

“You don’t need anybody who doesn’t need you. Focus on who appreciates you.”

Yes, I will.

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Hi,

A million of words and faces have run across my mind. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing and how are you feeling. Despite being busy, I wonder if you feel the same emptiness like I do throughout the day.

I have read so much about your condition so that I could come up with the best treatment plan. Every temptation to text you gets too much and I will have to bite it back and tell myself that no good will come from it.

People tell me that I should tell you the truth instead of beating around the bush. The truth that I have helped to rehabilitate so many people, but it is you that I cared the most. I have so many other options, but it is you that I chose. Honestly, I have too little courage to tell you. But in your silence, I have already found my answer.

Today, I am writing to tell you that I am letting you go. I have decided to let you go not because I have stopped loving you or I have found another. For as much as I want to help you, I want to help myself too. Seeing you fall into the sadness trap makes me sad too. Instead of me lifting people up – my patients, my colleagues, my closest friends have to pull me out of the trap. I want to be selfish now because it is the best for me.

Time spent with you was never about troubles, disgrace or disagreements, but instead a moment that I will miss. I know God has bigger plans for us. If God wants something huge from me, I must be more willing to let it go. If losing contact with you is part of God’s plan, I’d rather not hear anything from you. I gave you to God because I know God will be able to fix what is broken than I do.

So, please understand that if I do not send a text, it doesn’t mean I do not care anymore. I would say I still care very much. I’ll love you for accepting me to be your physiotherapist and inspires me to become a better one. I’ll love you for the short period of companionship and friendship that we have shared. I’ll love you enough to let you go so that you could do more, feel more and be more than the person you could ever become than being by my side.  I’ll always pray for your happiness like how I pray for mines.

I can write the saddest lines tonight. To think I don’t have you, to feel I have lost you. I chose not to. I choose to give you up for God. And these are the last lines I will write for you.

Tonight, this is my parting, my reluctance and my final gift to you.

Tonight, I am letting you go.

Yes, I will.

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At first, she was devastated by you.

Later, she realized your smile actually means a lot to her.

She wrote a letter while you ignored her. She was hoping that you will get better soon.

She stopped denying her feelings. You made her feel worthless. 

Finally, she walks away from the pain of unrequited love. And this is her last letter to you.

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Close your eyes, seal your heart and let it go.