Too Much, Too Little, Too Late

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That’s what you texted today. I decided to write down because I just feel sad and empty. I write because you exist in my life. The day could have been of good food and family – you know, things that make you feel happy when you are back to church with family and friends. But, I had to suck it all up.

It feels daunting when someone gives you a math problem to solve, asking you not to give up and when you are halfway through, the person snatches it away from you. Many patients asked us to let them go. I am no stranger to such words, but this time, I felt drenched in shame that in the darkest time of his life, my patient could not bring himself to trust me one more time. Because he thinks that I have too much on my plate.

What I wanted to say, I couldn’t say it. Nothing I say matters now. You wouldn’t listen. But I really wanted to tell you that the amount of stress I have is mines. And not yours. What I am going through is what I needed to go through. What you are going through is what you needed to go through to be a better person too. I just need you to trust me a little more that I can help you, I can help others, I can work and study at the same time. Just that. Is that too much to ask?

So I expect too much from you, cared too little and now it is too late to regret.

Being a physiotherapist can be emotionally punishing, sometimes thrilling and sometimes sobering. Once, I selfishly wished that someone else had faced all these instead of me. Haha. But overall, the best thing about being a physiotherapist was that you always go home with life lessons that made you a better physiotherapist tomorrow.

Today, I wrote it down because one day when I look back into my life, I know all that I’ve done has been in the name of love. 
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