But I do.

At 12.30 am….

I look at you as more than what you are to me currently. Because to me you are everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted but mostly because you treat me as though I matter. As if my opinions and everything I want is important to you too.

And that’s what love is.

But I can’t tell you I wanted to marry you today or now. I really do.

I can’t tell you that every night before I go to sleep I think about you and wish you are sleeping by my side. I think about you when I’m at work and looking forward to be in your arms everyday. I think about you when I can’t get through the day without wanting to cry. You are home to me and just hearing your voice reminds me how that feels.

And when people ask me if I will be getting married soon I tell them no. Because I don’t want to be the cause of pressuring you or myself. Even though we mean so much to each other, it doesn’t mean that we have to be together now. I can’t even tell you what’s going on in my mind and my heart because I don’t want to look like as if I am rushing into marriage or pushing you into the marriage.

Sometimes we’re meant to meet someone who takes our breath away but not being able to start a new life with them right away. And it’s unfair. It’s so unfair that we are surrounded by their beauty but we can’t touch them. We can’t tell them how much they mean to us without giving away our secret. We can’t let them know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together so badly. That we aren’t separating anymore.

We can learn so much from each other but only if we keep it to the capacity that it’s at. And I’m not risking everything to tell you my feelings because I don’t feel as though we’re on the same page. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not be exactly at the same moments in life. It’s okay to not feel the same way.

But let me tell you something, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to keep my mouth shut about this.

Because I can feel myself breaking. I feel my tongue waiting to betray me. To tell you that I am so completely into you. To tell you that I want to marry you right away. To tell you that I wanted to build a family with you. That I am so completely enamoured by everything you are. And it has nothing to do with outward beauty and it is everything to do with the gorgeous soul that lies deep within you. And what’s crazy is you don’t see how stunning, how captivating, how incredibly amazing every piece of you is.

So our future looks like this. We keep things the way it is. Because even though I want to marry you, you and me are nowhere near ready too. And I don’t wanna talk about weddings or marriage.

And if we ever did cross paths as husband and wife instead of lovers, I know that I wouldn’t need anyone else.

You are the ultimate. You would be my ultimate. So maybe we’ll end up together or maybe we won’t but all I know is this; as long as you exist in my world, I’ll be happy. No matter what capacity. I will still love you ❤

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