I’m happy for you

I’m so glad that you found her. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

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Here’s what fairy tales won’t tell us – sometimes, we don’t get to keep the person that you thought you could.

Continuing to love someone is like having your heart run over and over again by a train. The pain stops for a while, but you know it will always come back to haunt you again.

But that was the thing of the past. I’m happy he found her. Sounds plastic, I know. But I realize I actually do mean it.
Now, there’s nothing left for me to do but sit here, hoping that one day, the stars will align and allow us to cross paths again. And I pray, by that time, I’ll have the courage to smile to say “I’m happy for you.”
And honestly, I’m happy for you.

#MyStory

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Today, my family set up for another blind dinner date. I understand that they have good intentions and want to introduce someone they know that they “think” would be perfect for me. My mom said, take a chance. And so I accepted it. I didn’t dressed up to impress but of course, decently with no make ups. Anyway, I am not a girl who wears make up everyday unless it is for a special occasion. Duh. So I head over to the restaurant with my mom and relatives. His family was already there, and he was seated in between his parents.

His aunty recognized me right away and was so excited because she saw my pictures on billboards and advertisements. I’m not famous yo but it became a hot topic for the night. Geez. He who was sitting directly opposite me, looks amazing. He is tall, smart and handsome. He dressed up well, and he seems to be a nice person.

Finding a lover sounds beautiful, isn’t it? A person to date. A person who goes for pizzas and movies with. A person to open your life to, give your heart to, who you can see yourself with, years and years down the road. I’m not looking for somebody with superhuman gifts. To me, he just need to love God more. Because that’s the first and the greatest commandment. Simple.

Despite so, finding that person can be scary too. There are so many rules in today’s dating world. A lover is supposed to be smart, pretty, sexy, and reliable, right? His family definitely expected higher requirements but was quite impressed with me and they were very anxious to know about our second date.

It happened real quickly. There weren’t any mixed signals. There wasn’t a bit of uncertainty. I knew I’d be asked out on a date before leaving. Before I even reach home, there was already a text. Conversation flowed naturally and next thing I know, I’m finding out someone’s entire life story who I hadn’t known 24 hours ago.

He didn’t try to say all the right things, he didn’t try to be the man I wanted. He wanted to be that man I needed to fix my heart. He’s a great guy but he doesn’t seem to be the one. I’m sorry.

I know his family and mines are very excited about us. But I’m sorry for making him fall at the first sight. I’m sorry that I couldn’t fall in love with him now because I am still caught in the mess of someone else. I cannot love him now because I am too selfish and too determined in being the girl on her own. I want to explain it to him, this is what I’m going through right now. But he deserves a fair shot. I don’t wanna make him feel exactly the way someone else has made I feel that he is not good enough.

I hope that they will understand that I am not broken or weak. I just can’t love him right now, can’t love at all right now. I know sometimes we don’t have to do alone, just maybe all it takes is just one person to teach us the pain we feel right now and everything we’ve been holding on to for this long is what we can let go of. But I need some time to breathe. I need time to figure out myself. Because right now I know I may get lonely, but I don’t mind being alone.

“…all people needed was time and then they could figure most things out of themselves.”

At the cliff.

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Yeah, I am pushing myself towards the edge.

Doing something that I haven’t done before.

Something that I shouldn’t do.

Something that God asked me to.

I don’t have much to offer.

I think God wants to test my patience. My sincerity towards someone.

But you know what.

I am going to persevere although he is cold.

Because I don’t want to regret for the rest of my life.

And that’s the only thing I can do right now.

Till the day, when I finally say,

“I felt so much, that I started to feel nothing now.”

Good morning.

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Good morning. This is going to be the first text message I am going to send you after such a long time. Because of this bible verse. 

I said No to God for three times, and finally I said yes to God. I don’t know how to do this, but I’m sure God knows how.

Image result for Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

I was selfish. I have been thinking about myself, my problems and my feelings. I have forgotten about this brother of mines and the hard times that he is going through.

So, my brother, tomorrow onwards I am going to annoy you with texts everyday. Just like few months ago, you annoyed me with your everyday texts. I know it is going to be frustrating and exhausting when I am the only one who does the talk. But it is okay. I am going to be in the arena too, fighting the battle with you.

I don’t know how it feels like to be in deep problems, but I will learn today. I will learn to understand you day by day. I wish that you wouldn’t be in so much pain and that I could just take it all away. But I don’t know how to do that. What I will do is to be here for you for as long as it takes. You can count on me, bro!

Love,

Your sis.

When “I” is replaced by “we”, illness will become wellness.

Being ignored.

While Z and I was walking down the hallway, you only smiled and talked to Z even though I said “Hi”. Probably because Z is rather an important person or someone whom you are closer to or maybe prettier. Or worst, you probably didn’t see me. But that’s okay.

Being ignored is quite a common incident everywhere. Think of a time when you are being ignored. Being left out and pushed away, day after day, I’m sure many of you have suffered this before. Being ignored is indeed a bullying tactic. It can be extremely painful and it is rather difficult to get over the bad feelings.

In every defining moment, I’d still believe in hope. Hoping that things will get better eventually. When you first get a job, when you first moved in to a new place – nothing works out planned. It is a harsh reality but it will get better. So here are my suggestions to be HAPPIER! Of course you need to be happy. After alls, it is your life. Not theirs.

  1. Accept the fact that they are ignoring you. Face the fact and move on.
  2. Talk to people. You definitely have some friends to cheer you up. So go. Talk to your friends.
  3. Take a break yo! Go and have fun. All day work makes Jack a dull boy. It is time to party.
  4. Stop thinking about negative thoughts. Because your brain tend to make up stories sometimes. It makes you feel even more frustrated. Ignore negative thoughts.

After alls, there are things we will not understand. Some things we will be unable to change. One thing we can change, protect and empower is ourselves. Keep protected. The truth will rise to the top and keep shining.

Ignore me, that’s cool too!

Her.

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Texting her in the mornings.

Asking her questions.

Being thankful and impressed by all she did.

Looking forward to see her.

That’s what you used to do.

You used to think that God send her to you.

But somewhere, somehow, you begin to expect things of her.

You did things because you felt you had to, not because you wanted to.

And suddenly you stopped meeting her halfway.

You told her when and where to come.

Then cancel hours before.

Her love and presence becomes inconvenient.

You stopped answering when you wanted.

And she stumbled through confusion wondering what would be her mistakes.

She talked to you but you never listened.

Words were filling time and space but nothing was being said.

You liked her for the way she made you feel.

She made it easy for you.

The less you tried, the more effort she put in. Just to make you stay.

She build you up but all you did was to knock her down.

You stopped being what she needed and she stopped being what you wanted.

You stopped trying.

And suddenly you become strangers, afraid to make any move.

The truth was you ran out of things to say.

But she still loved you.

She’d still chose you.

The only thing harder than falling out of love is being in love and watching someone fall out of love with her. Knowing that she can’t do anything about it.

It broke her when she realized she has to choose herself now.

Because in a crowded room where she felt alone, invisible and empty, giving all her pieces to make you whole, she caught the eye of a stranger.

He asked if she was seeing anyone. And the truth was yes. But she shook her head because she knew she couldn’t hold onto something that isn’t there anymore.

And that goodbye got replaced with a new hello.