A million of words and faces have run across my mind. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing and how are you feeling. Despite being busy, I wonder if you feel the same emptiness like I do throughout the day.
I have read so much about your condition so that I could come up with the best treatment plan. Every temptation to text you gets too much and I will have to bite it back and tell myself that no good will come from it.
People tell me that I should tell you the truth instead of beating around the bush. The truth that I have helped to rehabilitate so many people, but it is you that I cared the most. I have so many other options, but it is you that I chose. Honestly, I have too little courage to tell you. But in your silence, I have already found my answer.
Today, I am writing to tell you that I am letting you go. I have decided to let you go not because I have stopped loving you or I have found another. For as much as I want to help you, I want to help myself too. Seeing you fall into the sadness trap makes me sad too. Instead of me lifting people up – my patients, my colleagues, my closest friends have to pull me out of the trap. I want to be selfish now because it is the best for me.
Time spent with you was never about troubles, disgrace or disagreements, but instead a moment that I will miss. I know God has bigger plans for us. If God wants something huge from me, I must be more willing to let it go. If losing contact with you is part of God’s plan, I’d rather not hear anything from you. I gave you to God because I know God will be able to fix what is broken than I do.
So, please understand that if I do not send a text, it doesn’t mean I do not care anymore. I would say I still care very much. I’ll love you for accepting me to be your physiotherapist and inspires me to become a better one. I’ll love you for the short period of companionship and friendship that we have shared. I’ll love you enough to let you go so that you could do more, feel more and be more than the person you could ever become than being by my side. I’ll always pray for your happiness like how I pray for mines.
I can write the saddest lines tonight. To think I don’t have you, to feel I have lost you. I chose not to. I choose to give you up for God. And these are the last lines I will write for you.
Tonight, this is my parting, my reluctance and my final gift to you.
Tonight, I am letting you go.
Yes, I will.
Close your eyes, seal your heart and let it go.