Yes, I will.

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Hi,

A million of words and faces have run across my mind. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing and how are you feeling. Despite being busy, I wonder if you feel the same emptiness like I do throughout the day.

Every temptation to text you gets too much and I will have to bite it back and tell myself that no good will come from it.

People tell me that I should let go of you instead of hoping that we are back together again. I want to tell you the truth. The truth that I have meet so many people, but it is you that I cared the most. I have so many other options, but it is you that I chose. Honestly, I have too little courage to tell you. But in your silence, I have already found my answer.

Today, I am writing to tell you that I am letting you go. I have decided to let you go not because I have stopped loving you or I have found another. For as much as I want to help you, I want to help myself too. Since you are no longer holding unto us, I want to be selfish now because it is the best for me.

Time spent with you was never about troubles, disgrace or disagreements, but instead a moment that I will miss. I know God has bigger plans for us. If God wants something huge from me, I must be more willing to let it go. If losing contact with you is part of God’s plan, I’d rather not hear anything from you. I gave you to God because I know God will be able to fix what is broken than I do.

So, please understand that if I do not send a text, it doesn’t mean I do not care anymore. I would say I still care very much. I’ll love you for accepting me to be your girlfriend and inspires me to become a better one. I’ll love you for the short period of companionship and friendship that we have shared. I’ll love you enough to let you go so that you could do more, feel more and be more than the person you could ever become than being by my side.  I’ll always pray for your happiness like how I pray for mines.

I can write the saddest lines tonight. To think I don’t have you, to feel I have lost you. I chose not to. I choose to give you up for God. And these are the last lines I will write for you.

Tonight, this is my parting, my reluctance and my final gift to you.

Tonight, I am letting you go.

Yes, I will.

Close your eyes, seal your heart and let it go.
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Fe-feeling nervous

Yup, I’m feeling nervous.

I’m going out for a dinner with someone whom I haven’t met before.

They said the first dinner shouldn’t be something that takes a lot of time?

Or maybe should I drive tonight? HAHA.

Don’t think it will work out anyways. I am way too selfish.

It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out?

Being ignored.

While Z and I was walking down the hallway, you only smiled and talked to Z even though I said “Hi”. Probably because Z is rather an important person or someone whom you are closer to or maybe prettier. Or worst, you probably didn’t see me. But that’s okay.

Being ignored is quite a common incident everywhere. Think of a time when you are being ignored. Being left out and pushed away, day after day, I’m sure many of you have suffered this before. Being ignored is indeed a bullying tactic. It can be extremely painful and it is rather difficult to get over the bad feelings.

In every defining moment, I’d still believe in hope. Hoping that things will get better eventually. When you first get a job, when you first moved in to a new place – nothing works out planned. It is a harsh reality but it will get better. So here are my suggestions to be HAPPIER! Of course you need to be happy. After alls, it is your life. Not theirs.

  1. Accept the fact that they are ignoring you. Face the fact and move on.
  2. Talk to people. You definitely have some friends to cheer you up. So go. Talk to your friends.
  3. Take a break yo! Go and have fun. All day work makes Jack a dull boy. It is time to party.
  4. Stop thinking about negative thoughts. Because your brain tend to make up stories sometimes. It makes you feel even more frustrated. Ignore negative thoughts.

After alls, there are things we will not understand. Some things we will be unable to change. One thing we can change, protect and empower is ourselves. Keep protected. The truth will rise to the top and keep shining.

Ignore me, that’s cool too!

Venerable.

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“Finally…”

He brought her home to meet his ailing grandfather. His grandfather was very weak, yet, he still lifted his head slowly to look deeply into her eyes. She sat down beside his grandfather so that he can have a closer look at her.

“You look very smart and knows how to carry yourself. You must be a very determined person and won’t easily give up. You crossed your legs while standing because you are very reserved and that’s why you are very careful with whatever you do. You smile from your heart but there is sadness in your eyes. Your clasping hands showed that you have something that you can’t let go but at the same time, you are trying to believe that you can.”

She cleared her throat and said, “Thank you, Ah Kong.”

Ah Kong reached for his grandson’s hand. And he held his Ah Kong’s hands tightly. Seeing the bond between grandfather and grandson brought big tears to her eyes.

His Ah Kong looked at him and said, “Treat her right. Your words and actions will last her a lifetime. Your bitter words, that day you were angry with her, those times you ignored her, when your friends are more important than her, the times you don’t walk with her to front door, she carries that in her mind.

She is beautiful because behind her, there is pain. She will remember that you made her happy. Wipe her tears, stroke her hair, support and be there for her. She will remember that you treat her like a lady, even when she is wrong. Teach her how to let go of things. You are now a big boy. You have to learn to love, to compromise, to nurture..the kind of man who makes a good husband and father.

If she loves you, be a good man, because if you don’t, you will lose her in the end…”

Ah Kong taught him and her about a good man. Her eyes misted over, and tears rolled down her cheeks. His grandfather began to breathe heavily. “Rest, Ah Kong, rest. I know. I know.” Ah Kong was struggling for each breath and in a few minutes, everything stopped.

He’d gotten emotional but she was glad that he’d shared it with her. She wiped away his tears, reaching over, hugged him and cried together. She wanted to comfort him, but words are hard to come by. Saying the right words is the hardest thing for her but Ah Kong’s words definitely impacted him and her.

 

A grandfather holds his grandchild’s hand for a while and their hearts for a lifetime.

Life Is Precious.

I miss your jokes. I miss the way you held my hands. I miss the way you smiled back at me as I cracked some bad jokes. I miss the way you loved me in your own ways. Because of you, I look so fondly at every father that passes me by. As if, somehow, I was staring into your eyes again.

Time with you was never enough. I found myself not looking at all the pictures and videos that we took together. I miss you. I wish you were the one who walks me down the aisle, that you could have watched me marry the man that I love and seeing your grandchildren running around the house.

Today, you reminded me to lead the life the way you did. To never give up, to fight on, to never fear and always always be kind to others.

Today, I find myself missing you.

To those who are reading: Treasure the moments with your loved ones everyday. Take the time to capture moments and create memories. Yes, there would always be a “tomorrow”. It may not mean so much to you now, but it means a lot when pictures and videos are all you have left.

 

Love when you can, while you can, as much as you can.

Unsaid.

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Some things are better left unsaid.

Some things are labelled or defined black and white, but some things just need to linger in the grey areas before the heart and mind are aligned.

I disagree.

We were married for close to 25 years and I have the most beautiful wife on earth. I married my best friend, and our marriage was romance and flowers. We talk about everything. Absolutely everything. We talked about our dreams and deepest fear.

I always thought marriage between best friends can only come about when we are open and honest enough with each other. And that marriage between best friends holds no secrets. The marriage road is a rocky one, but honesty brought couples closer and closer each day.

They can spend the whole night talking because they would tell their best friend – which is absolutely everything.

Come to think about it, it is not the truth that destroys friendships/ marriages/ relationships.

It is the things left unsaid that destroys.

Talk to each other. Be honest with each other.

I’m gonna get drunk and say them anyway.

Thank you

Thank you for loving me. For making me breakfast everyday, for making sure that I eat on time. Thank you for knowing me well enough and reach for my hand when I am not okay.

Thank you for calming me down, hugging me when I need you most. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better person. Thank you for allowing me to be me. Thank you for listening to all my rants and supporting me at all times. Thank you for being proud of me.

Thank you for all the calls and texts. Thank you for bringing this brat up. Thank you for being patient and kind. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for how you love.

In fact, I can never thank you enough.

Happy Father’s Day.

Thank you dad. 

 

I have a hero. I call him Dad. 

Bare faced

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If you know me, I am one of the girls who DON’T make up at all. At most, I will only apply lipsticks for important events or meetings so that I don’t look so pale or sick. I may be the girl who wears a dress and tries to be pretty once a year for special occasions.

I have friends who can’t let others see them without makeup. Like real girls. With pink cheeks, long eyelashes, plumped lips and thick eyeliners. I have nothing against makeup. If you like makeup, wear it.

Makeups are suppose to transform my look so that I get all the attention that I deserve. But I didn’t like how I look in the mirror. For every reason my friends told me to doll up, I have a reason that I shouldn’t.

Firstly, ain’t nobody got time for that. Most of the time, I don’t get enough sleep and I’d rather spend the time to catch up with my sleeps than spending hours in front of the mirror to line my upper lids. It takes less than 5 minutes to apply a lipstick and out of the door I go – not perfect, but presentable enough.

Second, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. You don’t need to look like barbie doll to look perfect. Marilyn Monroe quoted that a smile is the best makeup a girl could wear. Your beauty comes out the most when you are happy.

If he made you feel ugly, if he made you feel fat, if a man made you doubt about your beauty, then he just don’t deserve your love at all. So just be you. I agree that make up enhances natural beauty, but I simply embrace mines.

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